Clueless in Tucson

It's been way too long since I've written anything here but I couldn't let this weekend pass without thanking my devious wife, children/children-in-law, sister, Mia, and anyone else who had a hand in it, for my birthday party/present. You'd think after living withe the woman for over 38 years I'd catch on to some of her deviousness, but NO! I had absolutely no inkling that there was anything afoot. It was not unlike ten years ago when I thought everyone was all caught up in Melissa and Joshua's wedding and not caring one little bit about poor me and my 50th birthday when, WHANG! We come home to find my old TV in a coffin in our carport and SURPRISE! Everybody in the living room saying Happy Birthday here's your new TV and entertainment center.

This time I was all bummed out because Babs had been gone the week before, having fun with the kids in Alabama/Tennessee and wouldn't even broach the subject of me coming along. She'd moved my party to Sunday dinner, then neither Amy nor Aaron & Jen and their s could come. I thought things were picking up a bit when Jer called at 7:00AM... but he was actually calling Pete. Melissa called on my way to work and while I was talking to her both Amy and Lorna called. Life was definitely getting better.

At work they had decorated my desk with balloons and streamers and a 12-pack of Coke Zero (my new drink of choice). When I got back fro my scheduling meeting I was told to go to the "Lobo Lounge". They had prepared a great barbecue and TWO cakes! One had pink butterflies with lots of pink frosting (yes I am secure in my manhood) and the other was an ice cream-cake with big six-zero candles (they didn't want to set fire to the building). They all sang happy birthday and gave me a huge card that says "A long, long, long time ago..." Then when you open it it plays the Star Wars theme and reads, "You were born!" Too cool for school. The commander told me to go home so I called Babs to let her know I wouldn't have to come back after lunch. She said, "Why don't we go see a movie this afternoon then?"

"Cool!" says I, (not wondering even a tiny bit why this woman who had gone to a movie with me exactly TWICE in the last two years would suggest such a thing) we'll pick one to go to before we go out to eat at "Oregano's". We decided on "Marley and Me" but she needed to go pick up the carrot cake for my birthday from Costco first so she wouldn't have to go there on Saturday (me still clueless). We get to the theater, she has to pee BEFORE the movie, okay. Movie is good, but sad. She has to pee AFTER the movie (still absolutely, utterly clueless). We go to Oregano's, I drop her off to get us on the waiting list and then I try to find a place to park. Their lot is FULL so I wind up parking down the street. When I get back to her she says "Only a 45 minute wait dear." This from a woman who was ready to eat her fingers?!? I can't believe she would be willing to wait so long! I don't want to wait that long! I suggested we just go to "Chili's" and call ahead on the way. Reluctantly she agreed. We both had their country fried steak (what else would I eat there?). After the meal, AGAIN she has to pee! What is with this woman?

When we pulled into the carport I notice the living room blind was pulled down and made a comment about Pete and Dan having an so she said, "Oh, they're probably just watching a movie." I open the door...SURPRISE!! There is Amy sitting on the floor and there are Aaron and Jen and everyone else saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! And what is to my left? No entertainment center but a 46" flat-screen TV hanging on the wall playing a cool video of pictures from my life with the Beach Boys song "I Get Around" playing in the background. I was completely flabbergasted. It was the very best birthday ever! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you all more than you will ever know...


I now have no reason to leave my lazy-boy.